With Netflix recently unveiling the trailer for their three-part documentary focusing entirely on the life ofArnold Schwarzenegger(releasing June 7) alongside his new seriesFUBAR, it’s more than a perfect time to go back to the Governator’s roots. While film fans the world over adore Schwarzenegger for his bombastic and pitch-perfect performancesin the likes ofTerminatorand in the jungles ofPredator, there was an (admittedly brief) time when the 6 foot 2 inches tall heavily accented human piece of muscle wasn’t the globally recognizable figure we see today.
In fact, many may not know that his first film was actually a low-budget film about a character from Greek mythology in the Big Apple.
Big Arnold in the Big Apple
Seven years into his life as a professional bodybuilder, a then 23-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger was cast in a low-budget movie titledHercules in New York. Directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman, Schwarzenegger was such an unknown at the time that not only was his accent dubbed over in the finished film, but his name was changed on the credits and promotional material to the laughably straight-to-the-point “Arnold Strong.”
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Want one more? Schwarzenegger wasn’t even the top-billing Arnold of the film. That would go to the actor behind Pretzie, Arnold Stang, who was most known as a voice actor, most notably as the voice of Top Cat himself. As far as first impressions go, this was far from the highest-earning star in Hollywood that he would eventually become, but does the movie itself reflect that?
A Far Cry From Disney
The basic plot ofHercules in New Yorkgoes: a frustrated Hercules (Schwarzenegger) begs Zeus to travel to Earth. In a moment of anger with his constant complaining, Zeus explodes Hercules and sends him plummeting from the sky and straight into the ocean where he is picked up by a fishing vessel. When theship boards in New York, the headstrong Hercules meets a pretzel seller and leaves to experience what life in the human world is like. Tonally, it’sClash of the Titansideals with an almost beat-for-beat storyline ofElf… and just a little bit ofGodzilla.
The definition of the fish out of water story, all the humor within the film comes from Hercules misunderstanding a situation or being misunderstood by those around him, with the screenplay basically killing time between Arnold taking his shirt off and getting into scrapes with people who want to fight him, or just taking his shirt off. Schwarzenegger — here perhaps at his largest — is given multiple excuses to take his shirt off and remind us.
The best way to describe this film, oddly, is like an over-extended Woody Allen bit, in perhaps what is only the second time ever that Schwarzenegger and Allen have been used in the same sentence, with its goofy thugs, silly chalk and cheese characters in Hercules and the nervy wise-cracking nerd at its center. On top of its ’70s New York setting, the movie feels like the exact zany offshoot that Allen would place into his earlier work. And that should really be the taste test for any viewer’s patience here too. Interestingly, to back this up supposedly an alternative title for the film tellingly went byHercules Goes Bananas.
Seeing the Sights
Hercules in New Yorkhas a bunch of ideas in its run time but never really follows through with any of them far enough to feel like they’re actually being explored properly (take that despite earning his money becoming a pro wrestler, we don’t see Hercules wrestle once) and instead comes off as a series of skits revolving around Hercules showing how strong he is and not much more than that (Hercules physically tips a taxi cab, bests the entire USA gymnastic team, and pummels a man in a bear costume to death).
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Interestingly, even with this baby-faced Schwarzenegger in his very first film, it’s this exact sort of ethos where his later comedy works inTwinsand Danny DeVito’s opposing stature would also mine most of its humor.
Hercules in New York Is Technically Terrible
The acting is bad across the board. It looks cheap. And technically, the sound is off every time Schwarzenegger opens his mouth. What is so laughable is that despite the fact that Schwarzenegger is dubbed over because of how thick his accent was at the time, they’ve managed to replace him with a man with the voice-acting capacity of Siri. It should be noted thatthe original Schwarzenegger dub exists via the DVDs though. For this, we watched the dubbed version.
Cuts happen randomly and hard at times and thank Zeus this is a comedy because there’s no other way they would have gotten away with the poor craftmanship otherwise. The soundtrack from John Balamos is one endless remix of what sounds likeThat’s Amorewith no variation throughout, which really makes you feel like you’re watching the film while sitting in a sweaty meat-filled deli in the middle of the hottest of summers.
Despite moments that will definitely make you smirk at its silliness,Hercules in New Yorkisn’t very good. But it can be admired as a time capsule of humble beginnings and what a person can do when setting their mind to something and refusing to give up on a dream. Because from here, Schwarzenegger would work with Jeff Bridges inStay Hungryjust a few years later and then go onto be cast asConan the Barbarianin the John Milius-penned epic. And we all know full well how the rest of that career played out.
